First Prize, 2022 HSA Renku Awards
Nijuin written at Onawa, Maine, 2014
Yu Chang
Tom Clausen
Paul MacNeil (with permission by daughter, Meghan)
John Stevenson
Hilary Tann
Judges: Christopher Herold and Patricia J. Machmiller
* * *
Perchance
jo
rumble of thunder
the floating dock
shifts with the wind
ht
tree shadows
on and off the canoe
yc
scraping rust
from a buried
scimitar
pm
her henna hair
a welcome surprise
tc
ha
longstanding habits
of smoking
and moon-viewing
js
the mycologist
crawls under a rock
ht
somewhere in the wall
a cricket
chirps the night away
tc
scroll of a mandarin
absorbed in calligraphy
pm
I wonder
what my date thinks
of the explicit scenes
js
a diamond
for her lip ring
ht
tandem skydiving
to celebrate
their anniversary
pm
pitiless moonlight
on the frozen DMZ
yc
The weatherman,
so perspicacious, telling us
“It’s cold!”
tc
landmark church
without a congregation
js
rather sleep
than watch the Empire State Building
change color
yc
perchance
to dream . . .
ht
kyu
peeling off
from a traffic circle
to nowhere
yc
comp tickets
for the Grapefruit League
pm
yellow spray of forsythia
arching over
the stone wall
tc
male pheasants
in full display
js
* * *
Judges’ Commentary
The art of writing renku requires poets and those who assess their work to consider many elements of composition both technical and poetic. Before considering the technical aspects I like to read each submission with a beginner’s mind so as to not become overly distracted by those things that I might otherwise regard as flaws. Instead I seek the heart of the renku-writing experience: obvious enjoyment of creative collaboration that results in learning from and about one another. Does the poem flow? Does it touch me emotionally? Am I surprised? Do I laugh? Have I learned something?
Many more readings follow for every renku is perfectly imperfect. Those flaws must be take into consideration. I explore eleven layers of technical skill and six layers of poetic ability. Which poems best adhere to guiding principles (both traditional and evolved) and simultaneously demonstrate poetic finesse? Which renku are unique in ways that render them memorable?
Regardless of what poem(s) are chosen to be winners, renku-composition is truly a marvelous means to work together in ways that are at once artistic, educational and supportive.
—Christopher Herold
Perchance
Renku derives its power and energy from variety—a variety of images, seasons, voices, points of view, and language. The secret to creating a successful poem out of all this variety is getting it to cohere. While many of the submissions to the Einbond contest this year made for a good read, “Perchance” accomplished both goals with style. “Perchance” is the work of five voices; it contains a number of delightful and charming surprises.
First and foremost, was the title—it tantalizes the reader and we eagerly follow its sly beckoning.
Second, the language, sometimes edgy, sometimes unexpected, sustained out interest—a scimitar, a mycologist, a scroll, a DMZ, and for non-baseball aficionados, the enigmatic Grapefruit League, Major League Baseball’s Spring Training Program in Florida.
Third, some pleasing links: “rust” and “henna hair,” “peeling off” and “the Grapefruit League,” and best of all, a reference to “sleep” in one verse leading to the linking verse “perchance / to dream . . .”. With that, Shakespeare himself, without being mentioned, makes an appearance and the poem’s title takes greater import.
Fourth, so many delightful sounds—“Her henna hair,” “the mycologist / crawls,” and a sustained run of short i sounds starting in verse 5 with “long-standing habits” and ending in the final verse with “display.” The only break in the run is verse 16 “perchance / to dream . . .”.
The final reward was the surprise ending—“male pheasants / in full display”—a unique and uplifting conclusion.
—Patricia J. Machmiller
This year’s first place winner is a nijuin renku entitled Perchance—a perfect appellation for the adventure that follows. I am rewarded with a journey of unexpected surprises. Here are some of what I’ve viewed along the path five poets have hewn from their imaginations.
The Jo folio begins with a rumble of thunder that wakes me up, the hokku’s exhilarating wind shifts the dock-of-my-mind, encouraging me to be open, to get ready. The wakiku provides transportation for the trip while the shadows cast imply sunlight to brighten the beginning of our journey.
The daisan exhibits a subtler link, transporting us to the first stop along the way. Somewhere in the Middle-East rust has been scraped from a freshly excavated scimitar. The blade now shines, the reflection reminding us that methods of protection are always part of life.
“Henna hair” is a clever link, one that whisks us into the “ha” phase of the poem. The path now presents more pronounced zigs and zags, not always happy-go-lucky ones—damn cricket!
Soon comes a first-date. This stanza made me laugh. What an ideal beginning to the sequence of love stanzas. Fortunately more dates ensue. Deeper commitment becomes necessary. They take the leap (marriage) and some time later leap again to celebrate (skydiving).
Oh oh! Frozen ground rushes up to challenge the couple.
The use of the word “perspicacious” to describe a weatherman is hilarious and, well, easy to imagine.
The Empire State Building harkens back to a landmark church. Dreams follow going to sleep.
We then come to the renku’s coda (the Kyu). What a superb shift. Why restrict ourselves to a pre-considered travel-route to yet another Point B? So, we take off from the paralysis of sleep to explore a universe of dreams.
The renku is winding down. We’re provided a nice warm place to go. Perfect. Complimentary tickets to the Grapefruit League (a series of training-games played by major-league teams either in Florida or Arizona before their season-openers). I’m impressed to recognize how this second stanza of the Kyu folio faintly resonates with the canoe in the second stanza of the Jo.
I love how a spray of forsythia arches over the stone wall, linking to somebody hitting a home-run.
The ageku’s “in full display” links well to the “spray of forsythia.”
The five senses are all represented in this renku and stanzas that present inside or outside scenes (or neither) are beautifully balanced. So are the scene-stanzas to ones that are people oriented. Grammatical choices are also nicely spaced.
I’m grateful to have been given the opportunity to read and assess the submitted poems and delighted to have taken this journey with the five gifted poets who wrote Perchance.
—Christopher Herold
Upstate Dim Sum 